TWHLAY 1:8
HereForTheFanficsAndRomance Presents:
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The Way He Looks at You
Book 1
A Cal Kestis Fanfiction
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Summary:
After a devastating breakup with her Jedi boyfriend, a grieving Rebellion pilot is captured by a ruthless, yet alluring, Inquisitor. He offers to protect her secrets in exchange for her loyalty. Torn between the duty-bound Jedi she lost, and the Dark-Side enemy who wants to possess her, she must decide where her heart truly belongs.
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This story is available in First Person and Second Person points of view.
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Song for the Book: Do It All The Time by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME
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Chapter 8: The Way He Intrigues Me
Chapter Summary: The morning after a night of passion demands a decision.
Trigger Warnings: none
Song for the chapter: Bad Reviews by Sabrina Carpenter
Cal’s silky black sheets slide along my bare body as I stretch and reach for the charging datapad on my bedside table. My hand knocks into a stray glass, sloshing tepid water onto a torn sheet of scratch paper.
I rub my bleary eyes, remembering my location—remembering Cal. A smile crosses my features as I relive the events of the previous evening. I shake off the wet paper and press it dry on the dark bedspread pooling around my waist.
Cal isn’t next to me. A lingering fear draws my eyes to the foot of the bed. Not there either. The only evidence he didn’t abandon me is the wet, ink-bleeding paper in my hands.
I will return this afternoon to discuss your decision. DO NOT leave my quarters. Take what you need in my absence.
-Cal
There’s a scribbled-out line of script above his signature. With some squinting, I see he crossed out “Thirteenth Brother”. This simple revision causes me to beam.
My fear of Cal’s post-coital rejection wanes. He is still awaiting my choice.
I reach for the half-full offering, and I drink deeply, realizing my thirst. My heart swells at the knowledge that he thought of me before leaving. This morning is much better than my previous sexual encounter. Though I’d prefer to wake in Cal’s arms.
Cal’s bedroom is sparse, with only a bed, nightstands, a chair, and two perpendicular doors in the far corner. One we entered through last night. I rise, poking my head inside the other, finding what I was hoping for—a refresher.
It is unlike the quaint and malfunctioning ’fresher that Theo and I had shared. This one is luxurious and overly grand for one person.
The massive space runs along the long bedroom wall, with ample width to prevent squeezing by another occupant.
The wall across from me houses a lengthy counter and a single sink. I try to imagine what Cal might need so much space for. Perhaps tending to his own injuries while sitting atop the granite.
The equal-length mirror reflects my disheveled state back at me. I reach up to rake my fingers through my messy locks until I look somewhat presentable as I survey the remaining space.
In the far corner rests a standing tub. But the feature of the ’fresher is the prettiest shower I have ever seen. A massive rain-head protrudes from the wall onto the shiny black tile floor below. There is no glass or curtain; instead, a wall of potted plants divides the wet from the dry.
Such beauty within the heart of the dreadful Empire, courtesy of one green-thumbed Inquisitor. The plants originate across the vast galaxy. I recognize only a few species, but all are glorious and have grown tall, thriving in the humid portion of Cal’s quarters.
Warmth floods my system at the thought of an Inquisitor harvesting seeds while traversing strange planets on his various missions. I picture him planting the seeds and speaking to his plants, encouraging them to grow so that he can keep something beautiful in his life that he saw elsewhere.
I busy myself with tending to a new morning routine, including using his lovely shower. As the hot water runs over my body, I sigh and close my eyes. I take a few minutes to heat my bones before giving myself a proper cleaning.
My gifted black dress sits folded on the stone counter, and I frown at the provocative material. As I lift it, another note flutters towards the floor. I snatch it before it can hit the traces of water I left behind.
The dress is optional while in my quarters. I’d prefer you naked, but you may also help yourself to my closet.
I shake my head in amusement at the unabashed forwardness of his words. Unused to a man wanting to see me naked on such a regular basis. At least, not since before meeting Theo.
I set the now-rumpled dress on the corner of the counter, heading for the clothing storage at the refresher’s end, beside the toilet room. Flicking on the light, I see rows of basic clothing—all black—hung neatly. With few choices, I slip on a pair of his softer lounge pants and a sleeved undershirt. Fingers roll the waistband to give a better fit as I check my appearance in the vast mirror. I’m not in love with this look, but it’s comfortable.
I exit through the bedroom, finding myself tempted by the two doors lining the short hallway. Part of me worries this is a test to prove my loyalty. But Cal didn’t forbid my exploration; he only requested that I stay inside.
The room to the left is empty, leaving me confused and baffled. I search the blank walls and bare floor for a secret latch or a hiding place to explain the vacancy. But it is an empty, windowless room.
The other room takes me by surprise. It is the exact opposite of the first: full of possessions. I have owned few items since leaving my family home; Theo was worse. But seeing so many trinkets lit by the sunshine through the window makes me smile.
Rows of glossy wood shelves cover the walls, adorned with broken pieces of ancient pottery, scraps of curling parchment, and fractured fossils. Cal doesn’t strike me as a sentimental man, yet he hoards bits of history and plants from all over the galaxy.
I look at and seldom touch the interesting pieces along the wall leading to a workbench placed in front of the curtainless window. Various alloy scraps lie across its scratched surface, including what appear to be lightsaber parts.
I haven’t inspected Cal’s lightsaber, but I know Inquisitors receive a standard double-bladed, half-moon hilt. Perhaps Cal is unsatisfied with the Empire’s limited technology.
I rummage around the workbench drawers, searching for anything to further my insight into the man who continues to surprise me. I duck beneath the tabletop, where more spare parts lie. Something lies hidden at the far back.
A deactivated red and white BD unit collects dust. I can’t help my curiosity; I fish out the jetpack-sized droid. Why would an Inquisitor keep a companion droid? Inquisitors work alongside probe droids, which are polar-opposite maniacs compared to the sweet little one that Cal has kept.
There are no pieces missing from the droid, meaning Cal isn’t using it for parts. I slide open the receptacle behind its photoreceptors. Inside are little green vials—stim canisters. More mysteries. I consider activating the droid, but think better, returning it.
His quarters show he is more than his status as the fearsome Thirteenth Brother. He has interests and hobbies I wouldn’t expect from his kind. I wonder what kind of Jedi he was before the Empire caught him. I am hit with an onslaught of new thoughts.
If Cal hadn’t fallen, would we have crossed paths? Could I have seduced him as I did Theo? Would a different Jedi have loved me?
The unknown makes my heart ache. My deepest desires were impossible in the Light. Was I meant for the Dark? Did Theo leave because he knew I would doom him with my desire? The thought breaks my heart. He saw me as dangerous simply because I loved him.
Cal wants me as I am. He cherishes the parts of me that Theo shunned. Cal wouldn’t use me as Theo did.
I shut the door as I leave the mysterious room. My thoughts linger on the Force users who have dared to indulge in the sinful pleasures of my body.
The front door swipes open, revealing Cal in his full Inquisitor uniform. An annoyed scowl darkens his pretty features.
My instincts tuck me further into the sofa, but I remember how many times Theo came home in a similar foul mood, and I soften.
I rise to greet him in an old routine designed for a different man. It feels natural to give Cal the same niceties I have offered another, especially after last night.
A smirk flits across his lips as he catches sight of me in his soft clothes. He busies himself with removing the armor and utility straps until only his tunic, pants, and lightsaber remain.
Cal is so different from Theo, discarding his things onto the carpeted floor in an unorganized heap. I suppose when you have access to the Force, strewn about items are of little consequence. Theo didn’t use the Force more than necessary; Cal seems to use it whenever it suits him.
As he finishes disrobing, I close the space between us, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him down towards me. Confusion flickers in his eyes, but he wraps a single arm around me before allowing our lips to meet.
His kisses are hesitant, as though he is no longer sure of me. I don’t push to deepen the kiss; his discomfort feels all too familiar, and hurt creeps up in my chest.
“I’m sorry I slept through our deadline,” I say, my arms falling from him.
Cal doesn’t release his single-handed hold around my waist. “With how much you cried yesterday, I’m surprised you’re awake.”
“I’m sorry for that too. Crying over another man, especially…nevermind. It wasn’t tasteful, and I’m sorry.”
Cal cocks his head, a smile spreading across his face. “If you stay, would you like me to exert revenge on the Jedi anyway?”
To my surprise, I let out a soft chuckle at his offer. “That won’t be necessary.”
“I promise you wouldn’t be putting me out,” he says, nudging his nose against mine.
“I’m ready to discuss my decision.”
Cal’s jaw tenses, and he releases me, moving us to the sofa. He sinks into the cushion next to me. His legs spread and his arms thrown over the back of the furniture in a cocky manner. When I lean back, his arm brushes my shoulders.
“I hope that my performance last night has swayed you.”
My eyes scrunch shut, and I huff a laugh. “You were amazing, but that is not the only contributing factor in my decision.”
Cal’s fingers trace my shoulder. “Since when are you concerned with more than sex?”
“Sex isn’t everything; I need a life, friends, and happiness.”
“Do you? It seems you had settled for less before I came along.”
My mouth snaps shut. I had given up everything for Theo and wasn’t even having my desires met.
“I can’t be stuck here in your quarters forever just for great sex.”
Cal’s cocky look grows. He leans toward me, elbows resting on his knees, hands dangling towards the floor.
I roll my eyes, watching his interest in the conversation leave. “Do not focus on that part; we’re having a serious discussion.”
“Great, huh? Care to elaborate on that?”
“Cal, I cannot be stuck in your quarters,” I say again, trying to refocus the conversation.
He exhales a heavy sigh, leaning back, arm flopping over my shoulders, his expression now bored. “I travel plenty, so by the time we return here, you’ll be grateful for the quiet.”
His dismissal of my concern, though uninterested, sweetens the pot. At least I would have the freedom to travel with him. It’s more than I had at the end of my prior relationship, though less than when I lived on base.
“But if I leave, you will use the information you stole,” I say. “Theo, base locations, people will die because I walked away.”
Cal gives me a sympathetic look. “I would not judge you for choosing to serve yourself and allowing others to suffer in your wake.”
Of course he wouldn’t; the Empire is selfish and cruel. He is pushing me towards an impossible decision. Give up my freedom for others or become a selfish monster.
“I am nothing like you.”
“Is that so?”
“You turned your back on the Order to save your skin!”
Cal pulls his arm away, turning to face me. “The teachings of the Jedi held us back. Even you have endured its scorn. Your Jedi spends every waking moment agonizing over each action. For what? The Order has fallen, and he is lost without it. I do not have such shortcomings.”
I leap to my feet, rounding on him. “You kill people, Cal!”
Cal rises to match me, using his larger size to force me back a step. “So does your Jedi.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head and putting distance between us. “He defends himself, only kills those who would kill him first. He would never kill an innocent.”
“There is always collateral damage.”
“He would never do what you do. Go into a family home and slaughter everyone inside.”
Cal softens, taking a cautious step towards me. “Not everyone,” he says. “It would appear.”
My mouth gapes at the cruelty of his words. “Only because I was forced into hiding. I was a child!”
“You made a choice; you could have climbed out of that vent and faced your death. But you chose to—how did you phrase it?—save your skin.”
My face twists. I have spent years dwelling on this painful truth. Lying awake at night, wondering if things would be better if I hadn’t obeyed my father’s wishes. If I had fought back, dragged my brother from my mother’s arms and run with him out the back door.
Cal continues, his hands coming up to rest on my tensing shoulders. “There is darkness in all of us. Self-preservation is difficult to ignore.”
Every time I relived the awful invasion, I was braver. But in the actual moment, I was a fearful child who was fulfilling her parent’s last wishes. I was too afraid to die.
“You didn’t want to die like the others.” I say, staring at his chest.
“No, and neither did you.”
I chew my lip, stopping only when he tilts my chin up to look at his now gentle expression.
“You have already lost everything,” he says. “Why—like the Jedi—do you continue to deny yourself your desires when they are right in front of you?”
I hate to admit it, but I understand his reasoning for giving in to the methods of the Empire. Cal was also alone in the galaxy, fighting against all odds. Like Theo, he was surely trying to do good—to stay hidden.
He made a choice that allowed him to no longer hide who he was. It allowed his connection to the Force; he isn’t hunted; he isn’t tormented by the pain of all he lost. He’s free.
My hands come up to rest on his broad chest. We are strangely similar. Both robbed of our old happiness. Despite everything I hate about the Empire, I am tired of denying myself what I want.
I look into his gleaming eyes; he watches me, reading my mind. He knows my answer before I say it aloud. But that doesn’t stop me.
“I choose you.”
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