ARCHIVED TWHLAY I:XIII
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The Way He Looks at You Series
Act I: The Way He Looks at You
Chapter 13: The Way He Visits You
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Story Master List: The Way He Looks at You Series
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The room feels empty now that Cal has left and you find yourself unsure what to do now that you have almost complete freedom. You have only spent a couple hours alone since the end of your relationship with Theo and being in a strange place makes the loneliness feel more extreme. You had been so excited to have this time, and now that it is here, you feel lost.
A wicked thought crosses your mind, the chance at escape, you have the resources to do so. There would be a significant head start before Cal would realize that you had run off, maybe enough time to warn your fellow Rebels and get them out of harm’s way. An opportunity to restart, away from the Empire and the Rebellion, away from all the pain that you have felt from both sides of the Force.
Is the risk worth it? You already made the choice, attempting an escape now is risky, maybe more than before when Cal had provided you the choice. Even if you had time to warn the others, you can imagine that Cal would hunt down everyone you cared for and then yourself with a vengeance once he realized your betrayal.
Is that what is keeping you here, fear? You aren’t sure, so you attempt to change how you ponder the feelings inside of you. If there was no risk of anyone being hurt or killed, would you still choose to stay? No immediate answer comes forward, so you sit on the edge of the bed and await clarity on the topic.
Mulling over your feelings for Cal confuses you more, he has given into your every desire and been fair considering his position in the galaxy. However, he did also seduce you in a moment of weakness. You haven’t exactly been in your right mind since Theo broke up with you.
You try to sift through who you are now versus who you were just a few days ago, but it’s hard to remember that person. Several days now feels like several years and you huff before falling backwards on the bed, staring at the texture on the ceiling.
Trying to think back to the woman you were when you first began piloting, before meeting Theo. She was determined but afraid; the determination won out. That woman wasn’t looking for safety in a man, just safety and peace for others. She wanted to do anything and everything possible to fight back against the Empire. You feel you hardly know that person.
Here you are, waiting for an Inquisitor to return to you; worrying for his safety while you spend his money. It’s almost pathetic, you hate yourself for succumbing to temptation. You can’t imagine how your old self would react to seeing what has become of you. There is a deep sense of shame in the decision.
Then another thought hits you, you didn’t agree to stay with just any Inquisitor; you stayed with Cal. He didn’t choose this life, and he is doing what he can to fulfill his duty while protecting who he can. There was even the implication that if the Empire should fall, he would abandon it for you. He isn’t evil; he is just as terrified of the power of the Empire as anyone.
You wonder if staying with Cal won’t do more good in the grand scheme of things. Had you left, Cal would fight back in the off chance the Rebellion attacks and wins. He would cause more loss of life in a last battle.
By staying, you ensure that if the future plays out how you hope it will, that one Inquisitor will leave and take no additional lives.
But if that day never comes, then your choice to stay only makes you compliant with everything you have fought against. There is no obvious answer on what makes sense, perhaps you’ll never know what choice is correct.
You sigh out a breath, so overwhelmed by all the conflicting thoughts in your head. There is half the day left and you are becoming hungry, so you sit up, shaking the conflict from your mind. You go into the bathroom to confirm your appearance is the way you want. Tugging awkwardly at the revealing dress, it doesn’t bother you when Cal is around, but the thought of others seeing so much of your skin makes you uncomfortable.
You finally give up your plight to be more modest and open the front door. You quickly lock up before heading down the stairs and out into the bright day. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the invasive light, but once they do you look for a place to get some food.
There is a small food cart, and you grab something small and portable from the vendor. While you would love to have a full meal, you are also eager to visit the various shops. You eat the snack as you window shop, taken with all the stores in this area. The market is bustling and people seem less weary of you now that you are by yourself. You still receive many glances, likely because of your clothing, but there isn’t an innate fear of your presence.
A small bookshop sits at the corner of one street and you find yourself drawn inside. You feel at peace the moment you enter. It is quiet; the shelves crowded with novels. It is a perfect place to spend the afternoon. You wander through the aisles in no particular order, simply enjoying the peaceful environment. A beautiful book catches your eye and you pull it from the shelves to study the description. Finding a seat in the window to read the first chapter to help you make your decision.
You spend most of the afternoon in a fantastical bliss, going to and from the shelves with a new book in hand. Every time reading the first chapter before returning the book to its home and finding a new one. There was never much time for reading since losing your family. There was always work to be done in the Rebellion and you loved the work. But without direction, you want to find something new to keep your mind busy.
You find yourself lost in the first chapter of an interesting novel when you feel a tap on the shoulder. A small Gree woman is standing over you, clearly the owner of this establishment.
“Struggling to decide?” She asks in common tongue.
You look up at her, settling the book in your lap. “I’m afraid so, there are so many interesting stories and it may be awhile before I can buy another book. I don’t want to make the wrong choice.”
She nods thoughtfully, “That is the trouble with books, you may never return to the story you once loved.”
You frown, “I wish I didn’t have to choose.”
She studies you for a moment, “I may have what you need.”
You tilt your head at her in curiosity. “What do you mean?”
She takes the book from your lap and places it back in its home on the shelf. Then she takes your large hands in her small soft ones and pulls you to follow. You stand and follow without further question but wonder if you should be more resistant to following strangers. Cal said take no risks, but you don’t feel this woman is a threat.
She leads you to the back of the shop towards a rickety old door. You momentarily worry you shouldn’t follow her further, but you want to know what she has in mind. The tiny woman opens the door and pulls you into a room with a workbench and many electronic parts lining the walls.
“I have been working on something.” She says excitedly. “A new way to read, it will access all books available on local databases. The more you travel the more books you can find. You do travel often?” She asks, glancing at your heavy cloak.
“I do.” You say, looking back at her with equal excitement. “Your invention, it sounds amazing!”
She smiles wide at your enthusiasm. “It is, I made it after all. This is a prototype, I will sell it to you at a discounted price. You can test it out for me, send word if you like it or if it needs improvements.”
She hands you a thin book sized datapad. You examine it carefully and press the button to bring the device to life. A huge smile overtakes your face as you learn how the device works. The Gree woman helps teach you the nuances of the datapad. You are both beaming at one another, excited to have someone else match the thrill of a device to read endless books on.
After about an hour of learning how the device operates, you agree on a price. The cost is most of your spending money, but not all. If it works well, you will have endless entertainment when waiting for Cal while he works. The woman introduces herself as Kaahlii and provides you with a way to contact her through the datapad. You introduce yourself and she walks you back into the main store front to collect payment.
“Thank you Kaahlii, I am so grateful for your kindness and am very excited to use your invention.” You say as you hand over the credits.
You quickly realize that you have no way to store the device on your person and Kaahlii notices your strife. “No storage? No problem.”
She heads to a distant corner of the store and brings a black leather satchel large enough to fit your new device. You smile at her and agree on another price for the bag. Just as you are about to shake on the deal you see a package of folding papers for sale on the corner of the front desk.
“I’ll give you the rest of my credits for the bag and the folding papers.” You negotiate. She thinks for a moment then holds out her hand, you eagerly shake it with a smile and pass over your remaining spending credits. She opens the bag and places your datapad inside. Then she walks towards the folding papers counting up how many she has available, even looking under the desk to see if there are any additional.
You watch a bit confused. You had only wanted one package and aren’t sure why she is counting her inventory. She takes the entire stack and fills the remaining space in your bag with all the folding paper she can fit. You furrow your eyebrows but a grin is stuck on your face.
“For trying out my invention.” She says simply.
“You are too kind.” You say back as you pick up the satchel and wrap the strap across your body, ensuring to cover it with your cloak.
She gives you an approving nod and grasps your hands in hers once more. “I want a response when you have used it for enough time, an honest opinion on my work.”
“I will be in touch.” You say and squeeze her hands gently before turning to exit the store.
You are on cloud nine with the lovely afternoon you had in Kaahlii’s shop. There is a bit of shame in spending all your money so quickly, but you feel it was a wonderful investment, like it was always going to happen this way.
The small snack from earlier has worn off and you realize how hungry you are. You find a nearby eatery and order some food before taking a seat alone at a table in the corner. While you eat you eagerly pull out your reading datapad and power it up, searching for all books that you can get in the area. You spend lots of time adding as much as you can to the device, excited to have such easy access to so many lovely books.
“What are you doing here?” A familiar voice sounds to your left, standing at the edge of your table.
You look up, recognition setting in. “Theo?”
He stares at you in confusion before sliding into the seat opposite you. You look around nervously, fearful that Cal may show up suddenly; afraid of what would have to happen if the two saw one another.
Despite the fear, your heart leaps seeing him again. He is as attractive as ever, his messy dark hair falling into his kind gray eyes. They draw you in, reminding you of your relationship together, making you feel special. His looks are enough to make you feel heat between your legs, but you try to ignore it. Theo doesn’t want you, he made that very clear, lusting after him will only cause more trouble.
“Why are you here?” Theo says, his eyes show how concerned he is. “No one has seen you, I thought you went back to Yavin 4, but I contacted the base to ensure you got there safely and there was no word of your arrival.”
The thought of him still feeling concern for your safety warms you slightly. You want so badly for him to take you in his arms and tell you he still loves you. You realize you haven’t answered his question when he speaks again.
“What are you wearing?” He seems a bit horrified at your dress. Though you don’t miss his eyes traveling along the bare skin between your breasts. There is a whisper of lust in his eyes, his pupils dilate, but he seems to resist.
“Theo, I, it’s a long story. I had some things come up, I haven’t been able to rejoin the Rebellion. I’m not sure I ever will.” You try to explain, but you know it won’t be enough, he is going to push for more information.
“Why? I know how much fighting back means to you. Is this about…our conversation from the other morning?” He asks, looking ashamed.
“I suppose it started there.” You try to keep your tone even and not give away the hurt you feel. Unfortunately, your eyes don’t care and tears swell in your eyes.
“I didn’t want to hurt you, I never thought that you would leave the cause because of me.” He tries to explain hastily.
“You broke my heart.” You say slowly, wiping the tears from your eyes.
“I didn’t want it to be this way, I just realized after…that night…that I was falling away from the Jedi Code. There is danger in straying, it could lead me to the Dark Side.” He says quietly, trying to ensure that no one else hears the words he is speaking.
You scoff, “I don’t think that loving me will cause that.” You think about how silly this all sounds since being with Cal. He fell to the Dark Side, and it feels like loving you is pulling him away from it.
Theo frowns, the expression pulls at your heartstrings. Arguing with him won’t change his mind, and you don’t want to have this interaction be on bad terms. You don’t want to see him hurt.
“You don’t understand the training that I received. They forbid attachments.” He tries to reason.
“I don’t understand. You allowed us to date, but you waited until the worst possible moment to break things off. It made me feel insecure, and used.” You say to him pointedly.
He sits quietly, thinking over your words. “I am so sorry for hurting you in that way. I care for you so dearly and I was wrong to not end things before allowing it to go so far.” He says with genuine remorse.
His gray eyes pierce yours, different that Cal’s. Theo’s are soft and caring, he sees so easily into you and you feel calm and safe in his presence. It feels impossible to hold a grudge and you sigh in exasperation.
“I know, it just still hurts.” You mumble.
There is a beat of silence that washes over you both. You are trying to soothe your pain. Theo observes you, wishing he could help.
“What brought you here?” Theo asks, attempting to change the subject.
You feel so torn; you want to tell him the truth, the man whom you have trusted for the past couple years should know. It feels wrong to hide anything from him. But Theo is no longer your boyfriend, and telling him anything would only endanger him.
“I can’t tell you.” You whisper.
Theo sighs, wishing to get more information, he is clearly worried for your safety.
“How long are you staying?” He tries.
“Five days including today.” You answer honestly, there is nothing wrong with providing this information and you feel grateful to speak some truth to him.
You so desperately want to ask for information on the Rebellion, to learn who is still working to fight back against the Empire. To know if any major breakthroughs have come about in the few days that you have been away. But you know better, any information you learn will quench your need for knowledge, but it will put others in danger.
“Is your reason for being here to help the fight?” Theo asks, looking with desperation in his eyes.
You are technically here because you are helping the fight, you just can’t fight anymore. “Something like that.” You say slowly.
Theo nods, “You need to be careful, there is an Inquisitor in the area, I saw one of their ships. I am unsure which one but I do not want you to be in danger.”
He looks at you, waiting for a reaction, knowing how much you fear their kind, especially after what happened to your family. Theo seems more concerned when you don’t react.
“Are you okay? Did you already know?” He implores.
“I was aware.” You say, “You need to leave, the Inquisitors will quickly sniff you out.”
He gives you a charming smile, showing off his white teeth. “I do not fear the Inquisitors, I heard that the one here works alone. Also, I can’t leave now that I know you are here. I need to know you are safe.”
You tremble, realizing that Cal will hunt Theo down if he does not leave you alone. “Please, Theo, you need to leave, I am okay on my own. I’m stronger than I once was.” You feel you are begging.
Theo only shakes his head, “I have to go, I have work to do, but I’ll be around. Please stay safe.”
You watch as Theo stands and heads for the door before disappearing into the early evening crowds. Taking some calming breaths you finish your remaining meal and pack up your things. The sun is setting and you need to get back to the room.
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